~3 years...

Why does it take loss for some of us (read moi) to really appreciate those we have in our lives?  

I am so fortunate that I pretty much always had a great relationship with my sweet momma (of course we had moments, but thankfully we were always able to patch those rough spots up & move on - more her doing than mine, because that is just how great her example was).  After she passed away 3 years ago, I have oft reflected on all the things I maybe didn't do or say.  I know there is no benefit in beating myself up over the past, so I try hard to move on to happy memories & focus on the positive instead.  She was such a strong woman, who despite many trials was able to find the bright side in everything & everyone.  

At the time of her passing, we were kind of blessed (if you can call it that) in that we knew we had just a few more days left to spend with her.  We all tried our best to make the most of it too; it was a wonderful week for that reason.  One morning during that last week, I got up early & got on my bike.  It was a beautiful, calm, summer morning & I really didn't know where exactly I would ride to that day - just started riding.  I ended up at Extendicare.  It was quite early (6:30 or maybe even a bit earlier), and I knew she would not be up but I went in anyways.  When I got to her room, sure enough she was still sleeping so I sat in her chair & just watched her snoozing & reflected on our lives together - basically at that point it had been 50 years since we had been "connected", so there was much to think on.  Eventually she woke up & was surprised to see me there & I told her about my bike ride over.  I helped her get ready for breakfast & then I had to get back on the bike & ride home.  Funny how we sometimes just randomly do things & it really was the right thing to do.  I suppose those seemingly random moments aren't really so random after all!

It was only 3 or 4 days after that, when once again in the wee small hours of the morning I was attending to her.  I was privileged to be able to tell her one last time that we all loved her dearly, that we would be fine and that she c/should go "home." One of the hardest things I have ever had to do, for sure!  Probably one of the most loving things a daughter could do for a sweet momma though, as we all knew she really was ready & was in fact looking forward to the most amazing reunion she would have on the other side of the veil.  The following is the video that Alanna & I made for her viewing.  I know that all the loved ones who had passed before her (many of whom are shown in this video) were waiting to welcome her with open arms & hearts; even as ours here were breaking to have to let her go for the time being.

So, while on one hand it seems like these last 3 years without my momma being part of my every day life have dragged on & on; I guess I can think of it as my life having moved 3 years closer to my next reunion with her (not that I am wishing or wanting for that to happen any sooner than it should!).  I can't wait for the moment I get to see my sweet momma once again; oh, how warm & wonderful that embrace will be....